Sorry Penelope Leach, sorry Dr. Spock.  Everything I know about parenting, I've learned from my dogs.

Which may, in part, explain why my kids like having their bellies scratched, why they thinks a "kiss" involves lapping a sloppy tongue across someone's face, and why, when they don’t get their ways, they make low, gutteral noises.

But I had dogs first, so my parenting orientation is based on what's known in the dog world as the "pack leader" concept.

Through extensive study of wolf packs, it's been determined that each pack has a pair of leaders, one male and one female, known as the "pack leaders."   These "alphas" are in charge of running the show and making sure that no one flushes Legos down the toilet, for instance, or chucks Brio trains at potted plants.

Subordinate members of the wolf pack continuously test the hierarchy by such primitive, but genetically-driven behaviors, including: 1. Not listening; 2. Saying, “but he did it first,” or, “no, I didn’t, she did;” and 3. By needing an inordinate amount of water at bedtime, followed by a series of brief, but meaningful, trips to the bathroom.

Packs function most effectively when there is clear leadership, consistent and reasonable boundaries, and when savvy pack leaders figure out ways to stay in charge.

"Excuse me, Ms. National Geographic, but we're not WOLVES," a friend told me years ago, back in the days before I had human kids.  "And you have NO IDEA what it's like to have children!"

"Yeah, in fact, my son won't eat ANYTHING I give him," someone else said.

"My toddler takes nick-nacks off the coffee table and breaks them into 1,000 pieces!"

"Mine won't do her homework!"

"Mine won't get out of bed!"

Well, sure.  In some ways, children and dogs are different. For instance, kids don't shed, or threaten to maim the UPS delivery person, or feel compelled to urinate on every bush and tree in the back yard.

Moreover, kids only have two muddy feet to traipse across the kitchen floors, and they tend to enjoy their baths, whereas my dogs spend their bath times plotting how they're going to contact, and turn me over to, the SPCA.

But there are many similarities.  Both kids and dogs like to test the alpha leaders.  They are both wary of strangers, have an irrational fear of medical personnel, and are reluctant to set the table.  Both kids and dogs want to sleep in your bed, walk into the bathroom when you’re otherwise occupied, and scratch themselves, shamelessly, in public.

And neither one likes to perform on command.

"Sing," I once said to Tosca, my serenading German shepherd, as we, surrounded by an army of cameras, lights, and crew, auditioned for the "Tonight Show."

"Recite the poem for your grandparents,” I said to my kindergartner.  “Show them how you brush your teeth!” I said to my toddler.

Tosca responded to the "Sing!" request with silence, my son responded to the poetry performance by gazing off into a dimension known only to kids, my toddler spit toothpaste all over the counter.

Similarly, in both kids and dogs, nothing is so much fun as testing the boundaries.

"No is no.  Once you've drawn a line in the sand, assuming that it's a fair and reasonable line, that's it," said a police dog trainer I know.  "You have to positively reinforce and reward good behavior, while at the same time setting, and consistently enforcing, appropriate limits."

Effective parenting, then, requires setting a lot of limits. But as with good, effective dog training, it also helps to have a ton of enthusiasm, a great sense of fun, a huge sense of humor, patience, playfulness, and an occasional cookie or two.

Kids, like dogs, need good pack leaders.